It’s nearly New Year’s and I’m laying in this road and
my leg is really, like, fucking hurting and it’s his fault, my Dad’s. He’s
feckless, that social worker said so. Mum’s a bitch, social worker didn’t say
that, I did. My feckless Dad’s not fuckless, obviously, or I wouldn’t be here,
would I? I wouldn’t be laying on this cold road, listening to Stacey screaming.
I wanted a scooter for Christmas. I mean I knew I’d
never get one, they cost thousands and anyway I’m too young, can’t even get a
licence, but Mum asked, so I just said, I want a scooter.
Scooter like those cool guys have, in them 1960’s
photos, guys with smart jackets and properly made trousers. They’d go around,
two of them on each scooter with the white thing on the front by the wheel to
keep their trousers, clean and all I can get is cheap jeans. I got my hair like
that Steve Marriott, only I can’t grow the sideburns, obviously, cos I’m a
girl.
There’s this stupid old woman talking to me, she
thinks I’m a boy. So I says I’m a girl,
obviously and she says, ‘I do beg your pardon.’ Like how old is that?! I’d
laugh if I wasn’t hurting too much.
Stacey’s stopped screaming…
‘Stace, are you all right..?’
‘She’s all right,’ a man says, ‘we’re moving her off
the road.’
I can’t see them, it’s dark and there’s a square light
shining in my eyes, using their phone for a torch. Where’s my phone…? Mum gave
me that, I mean it’s only her old one but it’s good enough for a bit. Better
than when I hadn’t got a phone and I couldn’t talk to Stace.
‘What’s your name, love?’ It’s the stupid old woman
again and it’s another problem. I mean, if I tell them Ayiishah they’ll write
it down wrong. I should have been beautiful Ayisha, obviously, but stupid bitch
Mum can’t spell, so I’m Esher. It’s a stupid town up near London, I never been.
And when I googled wrong, this this
castle with people walking up square stairs that just goes on and on and never
ending. The men going up can never stop going up, and the ones going down can
never stop going down and they can’t do anything else, stuck on the same stairs
forever. Scares me so much…
‘Esher we’re going to have to move you..’
No, please don’t touch me… no… ooowwww….
‘Sorry sweetheart, you’re safe by the wall now, lean
back… ‘
‘Cars come very fast down the hill in the dark,’ the
woman explains, ‘You’re safer now,’
‘I’m all right,’ I say. ‘just my leg… need a
ambulance.. for Stacey.’
‘Yes, we’re just talking to the emergency services…’
‘My foot hurts..’ that’s Stacey! She’s not dead! ‘And
my arm hurts and my side hurts and…’
‘No no no..! She’s hurt so badly and I can’t get to
her..!’
‘Esher listen, Stacey is breathing, she’s sitting up
and talking to us, she’s going to be ok. It’s you I’m a bit worried about.’ The
woman is putting a sort of cushion thing under my left leg that I can’t move.
‘Try to relax your leg onto that,’ she says but I can’t so scared to move it
but it goes down slightly and the
hurting gets a bit less.
‘Esher,’ she says, ‘I’m Sarah and I’m going to my
house, it’s just over there. I’ll bring a blanket to keep you warm. Only a
moment then I will be with you until the ambulance comes. You’re going to be
ok.’
Be feckless Dad’s fault if I’m not ok. He got it off Ebay, sent it to Mum, and I’m
not even there at Christmas, I’m in the home again, because bitch says I’m
impossible. Just, she won’t understand. It started at school, she shouted at
this teacher, Miss Darley, called her a fat dyke. I mean she is, but you can’t
say that, obviously, not to a teacher. I couldn’t go in school after that, they’d
all pick on me again, push me down in a corner and call me dirty lesbo.
So I wandered round town with Stace. She’s allowed to
not be in school. She’s so funny, keeps me happy and she’s big, with lovely
breasts and soft lips. If that man’s made her hurt, like scarred…
And it hurts again and so cold… the Sarah woman is
holding my hand and I’m shaking and Stacey’s just laughing…
It was so fun, we laughed so much, so funny and scary
and ex… excellent, coming down the hill on the scooter together. Not the sort
of scooter I wanted, not even electric, just like a kids one. Only me and
Stacey, we’re not kids, she’s sixteen. I’m not yet, but I’m tall like a boy.
And on the scooter I hugs up close behind her and we shout WheeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE
coming down the hill. And it’s so cool we walk up to the top and come down
again and again. Four goes and it’s amazing…! But then it’s getting dark and
we’re on go number five and I don’t know what we hit…
Hurts, I’m shaking and it hurts more… can’t stop...
Flashing light…
‘This one’s in a lot of pain…’
‘Ambulance is here Esher,’ Sarah’s squeezing my hand,
she’s so warm.. ‘In just a minute you’ll be fine.’
Stace says, ‘Happy New Year, Esher.’
And she’s still laughing, she’ll be fine.
*
